To say that I am exhausted, would be an understatement. I realize how dramatic this sounds, but it is the honest truth. This has been one of the longest weeks of my life. My emotional bank account is in the negative, and the fee for that is a high price to pay.
I’ve had a set back – just the fact that I am aware of that means that I have made improvements in my life – but nevertheless, I’ve had a set back.
Getting out of bed in the morning exhausts me. Brushing my teeth and making it upstairs to feed my dog and let her out, is an enormous feat (that sometimes my parents do, as I haven’t even made it out of bed yet).
But I stuck to a plan – I had 2 days of work, and I went to yoga every day. I made bargains with myself – okay, if you go to this yoga class, you can go to bed at 8pm, or, If you walk Lucy in the morning, you can take a 30 minute nap before lunch. Its embarrassing, but it is also quite literally the only way I have been able to make it through this week.
One thing that lacks when I am feeling down is my hygiene. Until this morning, I hadn’t showered since Monday….even after attending hot yoga every day. A little gross, to say the least. But just the thought of undressing, standing up in the shower, using my arms to shampoo, rinse, condition, rinse, soap up body, rinse, wash face, rinse, towel off, and dress, was beyond exhausting. So I skipped it all.
This morning I decided was the morning to tackle this issue, which overwhelmed me, so I decided to take a bath. It was relaxing, and cleansing, and meditative, until it came time to have to wash my hair. I honestly cannot explain why I am so friggen tired, and the thought of lifting my arms to lather, makes me want to go to bed. So I bargained – If you wash and condition your hair, you can take a mid morning nap. And here I am – clean as a whistle, and about to take a nap.
I have to take some time to build my emotional bank account back up. Use tools that make me stronger, include people in my life that support and love me, and have a non judgmental relationship with myself, especially now, when I need me the most. Once I am back up and out of the negative, I know I will start to feel a little less tired each day, and a little more positive.
Until then, good night 🙂